How Do We Influence?

There is a story of two kids.  One kid was told by his mom that he couldn't have any cookies until after dinner.  He decided he couldn't wait, and when his mom was out of the room, he climbed up onto the counter where the cookie jar was.  As he got up, he knocked a cup over the edge and it broke.  The other kid saw his mom getting the table ready for dinner and decided to help.  He offered to help and his mom thanked him and gave him four cups to carry to the table.  On his way over, he tripped and dropped all four cups, breaking all of them.  Who should be punished?

Moral dilemmas are interesting.  We are asked a question about a situation like the one above.  In that situation there appears to be no winning side.  As we mentally and emotionally mature we are better able to think of these situations objectively, trying to find a possible "fair" solution, or if we try hard, a "win-win" solution.  We naturally will think about such things as what was done, who could get hurt and why.

This particular dilemma seems to have an easy answer.  However, for young kids, all they can perceive is that the second kid broke more cups and should therefore be punished, compared to the other who only broke one.  So what makes this seem so wrong to those of us that are more mature?  Intention.

Intention is all about our purpose in doing something.  Two people could do very similar things, yet be doing it for purposes on the opposite ends of the spectrum.  One could be doing it for fame and fortune; the other to help people and provide for family.  

However, intention always shows itself over time.  We cannot hide, at least not for long, our true desires.  They always come out.  We see and do according to who we are. And  our intentions--our desires--are central to who we are.  Thus, they will manifest themselves in the way we see the world, and the way we act and react.

So, then, what is the difference between persuasion and manipulation?  Are both bad? Good? Necessary evils? Both are essentially about influencing someone else's actions, perceptions, and attitude.  So what's the distinction between them? Once again, the difference can be seen in light of intention; the figurative core disparity between persuasion and manipulation.  

Persuasion has it's intention in the betterment of all involved.  The one being persuaded will be better off if they listen.  Manipulation is all about the betterment of the one doing the manipulating.  Persuasion desires one to make a clear choice, allowing for the other's use of free will.  Manipulation tries with its might to limit the other from perceiving the situation clearly.  Persuasion is a key skill in effective leadership.  Manipulation should have no place anywhere near leadership. 

The differences may be subtle, but the consequences over time are massive.  Persuasion leads to fiercely loyal friends, that will sacrifice for them.  Manipulation leaves one, eventually, utterly alone, for no one can trust them.  The reality is that we most likely have used both.  But the question is, which one do we rely on most?

We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.  --Aristotle

Are we, then, ultimately manipulative or persuasive?

                                                                 *Glass 1 by Andrew Magill