Life is more rushed, more hectic, with always more to do; yet, don't we have tools to make things easier and quicker? Why does it feel like there isn't enough time in the day to do all that we are asked to do?
It comes down to our lack of ability to self-regulate. Self-regulation is essentially our ability to control our actions in spite of our internal conditions (emotions, mood, energy level) and external environment (our circumstances). A study done by Laura Rabin, Joshua Fogel and Katherine Nutter-Upham of Brooklyn College of the City University of New York has shown that people that tended to be rushing struggled to self-regulate. The study concluded that there were several associated characteristics to a low ability to self-regulate. These characteristics included:
- Reduced agency
- Disorganization
- Poor impulse and emotional control
- Poor planning and goal setting
- Reduced use of meta-cognitive skills
- Distractibility
Can you see how these may reduce our ability to get things done, and done well? Even with all of our devices that are supposed to serve us and make us more efficient. (My opinion is that these devices have a "happy medium." If we rely on these devices we will struggle. Same is true if we ignore them. But if we find the middle ground, using them but not relying on them, we will find the greatest benefit.)
Each of these associated characteristics are things that we can learn to overcome; in other words, we aren't stuck as someone who is disorganized or someone who can't plan.
Although a person is prone to something, doesn't force them act accordingly. For example, I am prone to make excuses which is related to the characteristic of reduced agency. However, that doesn't mean that I am "an excuse-maker." I have the choice to make or not to make excuses. So when we hear people say "this is just the way I am" they are really saying "I am prone to this and I haven't given any effort to improve myself."
Steven R. Covey called this ability "Proactivity." He stated that we aren't quite like the "pavlovian dogs" that drooled every time they heard a noise that they associated with food. We have the ability to be aware of ourselves, of our feelings, moods, ideas, and thoughts. This implies that when there is some sort of stimulus we don't have to react a certain way.
This is a fantastic principle. A principle with some serious power. We can choose to act by choice or react and respond the way the stimulus wants us to. It is almost as though the "stimulus," whatever it may be, wants to control you. If you are anything like me, I don't enjoy being controlled nor manipulated. So when there's a circumstance that says you should react one way, take a step back and decide whether you want to be controlled by it, or if you want to control your own actions.
This is what Covey pointed out is our responsibility.
"Look at the word responsibility--'response-ability'--the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling."Acting, instead of reacting, is what will help make us able to better overcome the characteristics that keep us forever ineffective, always rushing, constantly wanting more hours in the day. Can we face that responsibility? If we do, we will improve our conditions, become happier, less stressed, and more in control.
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